WASHINGTON—Contradicting the long-held belief that they would just go off and destroy anyone who tried to mess with them, a Department of Health and Human Services report published Thursday revealed that U.S. males would be on average 4,000 percent less effective in a fight than they imagine. “Despite the typical American male’s conviction that he would viciously beat down anyone who came at him and end the whole thing with one punch, we found that in the event of an actual violent altercation, most adult men would almost certainly injure themselves far worse than any assailant,” read the 80-page report, which went on to confirm that nearly all American males would be unable to execute a single maneuver they envision themselves capable of performing, be it an uppercut, a roundhouse, or grabbing an opponent by the back of the neck and smashing his face down into the bar. “Predictions of being amped up on massive adrenaline rushes or having multiple friends jump in to back them up are similarly unfounded, with over 75 percent of confrontations instead projected to end with panicked apologies or pleas to be let out of a headlock.” The report stated, however, that the majority of men correctly estimate that such fights would last a total of six seconds.
  • AItoothbrush@lemmy.zipEnglish
    1·
    24 days ago

    Everybody needs that humbling experince when you spar with someone thats an actual boxer and youre dying while they arent even paying attention.

    • VitoRobles@lemmy.todayEnglish
      1·
      24 days ago

      I watched a old fat conservative man angrily yell at some teens at a strip mall and he got winded after yelling.

  • frickineh@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    25 days ago

    Having punched someone in the nose before, it’s way more painful to yourself than you’d think. My knuckles were bruised and then I cried because of all the adrenaline so really, 0/10 would not recommend unless you have a very good reason.

    • SwingingTheLamp@midwest.socialEnglish
      1·
      24 days ago

      The only self-defense training that I had emphasized that you smash an assailant’s nose with the palm/heel of your hand, in an upward motion from below. Never having practiced, I very much doubt I could execute that move in a real confrontation.

  • grue@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    24 days ago

    It’s true: I was attacked by a road-rager a couple of months ago, and I surprised myself by being unwilling to hit the guy back even after he punched me in the face, for fear of further escalation. Not gonna lie: I was more disappointed than proud of myself, even though I’m pretty sure I made the more responsible decision.

    I was also surprised that it didn’t hurt nearly as much as I expected. Maybe the other guy was 4000% less effective than he imagined too, LOL.

    • GrumpyDuckling@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      1·
      24 days ago

      if someone approaches your drivers door, turn the wheel all the way to the right, (or left for rhd) put the car in reverse, let them open the door and oopsie your foot slipped off the brake and hit the gas.

    • jballs@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      0·
      24 days ago

      Honestly it sounds like you made the right decision. As long as the guy wasn’t causing you much harm, sounds like nothing lost other than a bit of pride. Had you escalated it, who knows what would have happened.

      • Notyou@sopuli.xyzEnglish
        1·
        24 days ago

        That study has an insane jump to conclusion considering that they just studied

        1 The skulls of early hominins — human relatives — called australopiths that lived around four million years ago. 2 The injuries of modern humans who show up in the hospital emergency room after a fight.

        I do like the idea that the reason we evolved to humans and not a different species is because we made a fight club.

    • jballs@sh.itjust.worksOPEnglish
      0·
      25 days ago

      …we found that in the event of an actual violent altercation, most adult men would almost certainly injure themselves far worse than any assailant

      Yup, that tracks.

      • Freefall@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        24 days ago

        People that have never punched a face can’t be ready for what it is actually like. My ring-finger has a 2in scar down to the bone just from teeth on a glancing hit. Getting stitched up later, when they found out it was from a human mouth they said they really had to deep clean it…as in pull it apart and SCRUB IT, before suturing the wound.